


In the Box

by LeoOtherLands



Series: All the Broken Pieces [7]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Carrying On, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, Rare Pairings, Sadness, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts, Threesome - M/M/M, hopelessness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-07-05
Packaged: 2020-06-09 17:48:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19480924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeoOtherLands/pseuds/LeoOtherLands
Summary: In his heart, Sai knows everything is alright. He is loved and those he cares for are safe. Yet, there is something he can't escape. No matter what he does, he carrys it with him.





	In the Box

**Author's Note:**

> Out here, nothings clear...  
> Disappear into the fear  
> You know there ain't no comin' back  
> When you're still carrying the past  
> You can't erase, separate...
> 
> [Breaking Inside - Shinedown](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fC3MWIY9ddo)

_I wish to die._

It was the first thing I thought when I realized I was awake. An average thought, a casual thought. A thought without passion or motivation, only weight. I’d wished for death for a long time. Since my brother, Shin, had held on to me, coughed blood into my shoulder, and told me to leave him and go tell Danzō I’d killed him, so I could become a full member of ROOT.

Snice I’d discovered I was in the box, and there was no way out.

Tenzō stirred beside me, murmuring in half sleep, and Kakashi grunted on my other side. I opened my eyes, to see the Copy _Nin_ staring at me with one cracked eye. “Morning,” he slurred.

“Good- Morning!” I gasped the last word because suddenly my silver-haired partner was astride my waist, his hands braced to either side of my head, and his trademark grin on his face. His hard on resting square in my lap.

Tenzō made an exasperated noise, as he sat up. “Why do you have to be so _awake_ in the morning, Kakashi?”

Another grin from the Copy _Nin_. “Because I always wake up next to the two of you.”

“Right,” Tenzō said with a sigh, shifting off the edge of the bed.

Kakashi paid the other man no mind, focusing all of his considerable attention on me. “Are you in any different mood than the Despiser of Mornings, Sai?”

“I would like a shower,” I admitted. “But, if you let me sit up, I will do something for you,” I amended, when I saw his disappointment. Sadness in either of my partners was something I would willingly do anything to asage. Kill or die…

Curious as to what I would do, Kakashi sat up and let his bare legs fall off the bed. Sighing, I sat upright, then turned to lay on my side, curled alongside Kakashi’s pale hip. He sucked in his breath when I deep throated his whole cock without warning or preamble or seeming difficulty.

My lips were in his wiry, silver pubic hair, and I thoughtlessly began moving my tongue, while I took him deep, then pulled him out slightly and repeated. Kakashi hissed, then moaned. One of his hands trembled on that place between my shoulder blades where neck met spine, obviously trying not to knot in my hair.

It wouldn’t have mattered to me one way or another. Taking no joy from my work what-so-ever, beyond knowing it relieved someone I cared for, I preformed my work quickly, pulling an orgasm from the Copy _Nin_ as easily as I would draw a _kunai_ across a throat.

I pulled off slowly, being sure not a drop of Kakashi’s release fell on the sheets Tenzō was so concerned with keeping clean, and swallowed. Only to face the surprise of both my partners. Likely induced by the fact I had never offered to do such a thing before, and adamantly refused to allow them to do it for me.

“Fuck!” Kakashi articulated the sentiment for both of them. “Where did you learn a trick like that, Sai?”

“Nowhere in particular,” I answered, already moving toward the shower, choosing a none answer because I knew neither of my partners would be pleased to know how useful such a skill could be in ROOT. Though, Tenzō might understand it better than Kakashi.

And, perhaps, he told Kakashi because both of them joined me in our tiled shower, being extra careful to kiss me and offer me anything I’d like. Which was nothing in the moment.

Nor did their attentions end in the shower. Tenzō made me tea, and Kakashi sat by me at the table. “How are you today, Sai?” he asked.

“Fine,” I assured without concern.

“Sai…” Tenzō prompted.

And, “No worse than normal,” I amended.

“Are you still up for Naruto and Hinata’s party?” This from Kakashi.

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?” Because what could be easier than celebrating happiness with those you cared for? Nothing. Nothing at all.

Tenzō and Kakashi shared a look that said they didn’t quite believe me, but they didn’t question me either. Knowing I’d at least say something if I didn’t wish to attempt the feat.

They knew me too well.

Though, that was to be expected. Our arrangement had rightly begun shortly after I joined Team 7 and met Kakashi as my team captain. He’d noted my reticence and all around remove and disassociation, and introduced me to his lover, Tenzō, in the hope the man could have a positive effect on me.

The notion had proved true, but neither man had anticipated my falling for the wood style user and admitting it when he’d gone missing protecting Naruto shortly before the Fourth Great _Shinobi_ War. I’d expected the matter to cause contention with Kakashi but hadn’t predicted merely being incorporated as the third member in the relationship when the war ended. Seamlessly. Simply. As though it had never been any other way.

I had no complaints with the arrangement, however. I held a deep affection for both the older men and unobtrusively just let life carry me on. Out of the box, or, so I’d thought.

My partners chose casual attire for the day. I wore the same thing I always did: my gear without the weapons. Tenzō wouldn’t allow it, the weapons. Neither would Kakashi. Though they did not attempt to prevent me from bringing my ink and a scroll, despite the fact I could use them as a weapon just as easily.

The sun was bright, but not hot, in Naruto and Hinata’s yard. The light clear and sharp. Rather cutting. The space over-full with much of the prominent denizens of _Konoha_. Because who would refuse an invitation from Naruto Uzumaki to celebrate the birth of his son?

I ate little and drank the cold, sweetened tea I was offered, while I stayed close to my partners and spoke quietly to those who addressed me. The picture of normalcy. All with the small, soft smile on my face.

“How are you, Sai?”

“I am well, and you, Tenten?”

_I wish to die…_

The little smile with the same heavy, shadowed pain beneath. Only made all the more intent by all the brightness. I wondered, after some time, when Kakashi had found me a seat, and Tenzō had put a hand on my shoulder and asked in my ear if I was alright, how people couldn’t be worn out by it all.

Then Naruto and Hinata were there and the babe was somehow in my arms and I held him with wariness. As if he might break. Looking down at that little, yellow-haired new life, I understood explicitly the thing that quietly haunted me was not felt by everyone. This new one would find it easier than I did to simply live.

While my partners talked with Naruto and Hinata and the blue-eyed blond brought them all to laughter, I shifted my hold on the bundle in my arms. My dark eyes far away. Gazing through a thing I knew I would never have, even if I wanted it.

Tenzō was the first to recognize my weariness. He always was. “My turn to hold Boruto!” he exclaimed, swooping down to rescue me from the child.

I sat still with my little smile after that. Present and unpresent, and tired by the sheer weight of the happiness around me, until Kakashi and Tenzō begged off staying longer and took me home out of mercy. My head was down and my eyes unfocused when we walked through our door. I stopped in the center of the floor when it was shut behind us.

“Sai?” Tenzō asked, coming up behind me to place a hand on my back.

“Are you doing alright?” Kakashi added, coming around to my front.

“Can I have the both of you? Please.”

I felt them look at each other, but they didn’t refuse. Instead, they brought me to our bed, and took turns removing articles of my clothing. Kakashi my pants, Tenzō my shirt, holding my hands above my head, as he peeled it off, millimeter by millimeter.

Then Kakashi was kissing me from the front, his hands in my hair, and Tenzō was prepping me from behind, fingers slick with some scented lube. I moaned around Kakashi’s tongue, bucking back unto Tenzō’s fingers. Then the wood style user was settling back unto the bed, and pulling me down with him, easing me down unto his lap, unto his cock. I caught my breath, as my own weight sheathed him whole in me, and groaned at the last.

“I’ve got you, I have you, Sai,” my lover whispered in my ear, and brushed kisses over my shoulders.

But he didn’t move in me. Only leaned back with me in his arms, my legs spread apart by his knees. All for Kakashi.

The Copy _Nin_ used one knee, braced on the bed, to bring himself closer to us. He kissed my mouth and ran a hand down my chest and stomach to that place already impaled by Tenzō between my legs. Once there, he pressed a slick finger along the other man’s length, until that, too, was inside me.

I moaned again but made on other protest, as Kakashi stretched me further. Panting and unrestraint, I waited for him to deem me ready, and to insert his own member alongside Tenzō’s.

There was slight pain, as always, but far more pleasure. Kakashi moved for us all, and we gasped together. Tenzō supporting us, my hands wrapped around Kakashi’s shoulders.

The way it was meant to be.

“Love you, Sai,” Tenzō breathed against the back of my neck.

“Love you so much,” Kakashi huffed into my hair.

“Love… you both.”

Yes. As it was meant to be. My partners’ words, and their actions, the only things which held that haunted, quiet, ever-present wanting at bey.

_I wish to die… I don’t know why. Everything is alright._

Only, it wasn’t. Something was not right in me. It hadn’t been since Shin died. Since I’d learned to repress to survive. I’d thought I’d left it behind, but sometimes you couldn’t get out of the box, not even when you were free and could do whatever and go wherever you wanted, because the box was inside you. Sometimes you just had to live with it every day, while keeping a thin smile on your face, because no one understood the box was real.

**Author's Note:**

> I am an original fiction author and fan fiction writer who literally lives for comments, even if they are nothing but inarticulate vowel screams. Please give me comments people! I will literally beg for them!
> 
> This salty ball of words exists on a flotilla of social media. Feel free to friend me on Discord at LeoOtherland#7066,
> 
> Find me on Facebook on my [author page](https://www.facebook.com/LeoOtherland/) for all things original fiction, or in the [AO3 Armada group](https://www.facebook.com/groups/601270063618951) for all things fan fiction,
> 
> Or follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/RoseOfOtherLand) or [Tumbler](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/leootherlands)
> 
> I seldom post and/or tweet anything, but if you want to drop me a line, I am always up for a chat.


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